(Do You?) Have the Love Life You Deserve

Like any other middle-aged woman moving to a new city alone, it can be difficult to find new friends, especially if you work from home. Before I moved, I wasn’t super interested in meeting new people, but after three months, I’ve discovered that there are only so many trips a girl can make to Target, Sephora, Home Goods, and the gym. So I joined a book club.

Not shockingly, the group was filled with other female transplants, mostly middle-aged, but a real variety of women, you know? Shapes, sizes, hair color (some found in nature, some not), and stories. It was a good group, but you could smell the mostly single and divorced vibes from the parking lot. Most of the women were warm, friendly, and seemingly easy-going, but there was energy coming from one corner that was fraught with just…ugh. She was pleasant and actually fun, but when the subject turned to dating, she turned sour- but oddly, I don’t even think she knew it?

As a woman going through a long-distance separation, I asked about the dating scene in the city- not for now, but just in case I ever need to know. What I got next was about 10 minutes of “I don’t need a man” sentiments, but after awhile, she admitted that while she had a flakey, potential love-bomber in her current lineup, but that someone she really liked had disappeared on her. Then she said that she really just wanted to find someone she could like and potentially build with. To me, it was clear why she was having bad dating experiences, but I honestly don’t think she has any clue about the vibe she’s giving off- one part bitter, one part desperate with a side of pick-me. Sadly, I don’t feel like her attitude is rare in my age band.

My biggest fear is ever being one of these women, and worse than that, becoming that way without being aware that it’s happening at all. Don’t get me wrong, I see HOW it can happen, but ladies, I wonder how much of this is on us?