Evelyn, I’m SO sorry for how I judged you.

Fried Green Tomatoes has always been a favorite movie of mine. Every chance I get, I watch Idgie Threadgoode, played by Mary Stuart Masterson, triumph over tradition and convention, telling the world where to go anytime it tried to fit her in a neat little box. But I always had a more complicated  relationship with Evelyn, played by the brilliant Kathy Bates.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved how it ended, with Evelyn eventually finding her footing, but her journey pissed me off a bit. I found her whiney, apologetic ways demeaning, her matronly fashion just…sad. My 14-year old self had no idea why she was turning herself inside out to get the attention and favor of a checked-out husband and a public that didn’t care about her one way or the other. Now, my 48-year old self may not relate to the extremes of her experience, but certain elements feel very familiar. Feeling uncomfortable in your middle-age body? Check. Adjusting to the changes in sexuality that come with a reproductive system that doesn’t always cooperate? Check-check! Hormones that make your emotions unpredictable? Check mate.

Fortunately for me, I have more than a Ninny Threadgoode to help me along the path to middle-aged enlightenment. I’m truly thankful to be aging in a time when struggling out loud is more acceptable and information is more readily available. Sometimes, the amount if information can feel overwhelming, but thank I haven’t yet found myself in a wood-paneled room looking at my vagina in a hand mirror or meeting my husband at the door in a plastic wrap. However, I know our collective experience could still be improved by further lessening the shame and access to more targeted information. My hope is that this community can take us even that much further along in the evolution of aging, dispelling stigmas that getting older means accepting mental, physical, and emotional  discomfort.

“TOWANDA!!”