Why friendships are, literally, life

I’ve always known that my friendships give me life, but now I have the scientific proof to back that up.

When I was around 12 years old, I experienced a literal heartbreak that  that impacted me for years.  A new girl transferred to our school and had given my best friend half of a broken heart necklace that held half of the phrase, “Best Friends”. This traitorous bitch obviously wore the other half, and they came out of the best friend closet at my (former) bestie’s birthday party. I was beyond hurt. Hattie Mae (my mother), in her infinite wisdom said to me in her Mississippi drawl, “Honey, if you have one good friend in life, you’re doing a good job. Don’t worry about this – you’ll make another one.” I thought she was insane. She herself had plenty of good friends, so I honesty thought she was placating me about my social homicide (because it happened to me without my consent).

Of course, I thought she was insane. Friendships were social currency at that age. I was embarrassed. This feeling stayed with me for years, but then, in high school, I was lucky enough to have a solid group of girlfriends, one of which is my bestie today. Also, I have other friends from high school and grade school (from kindergarten, actually!) that feel more like family. Having moved around a lot over the past decade, I continue to gain relationships that are pivotal to who I am. Hattie Mae was right – it’s quality, not quantity that matters most. Over time, I became more confident in my true self, no longer projecting what I thought people wanted from me. Showing up as my true self almost 100% of the time allowed my friendships to deepen into some of the most profound relationships of my life.

I am beyond grateful, because according to science, these friendships will save my life. This 2023 Cambridge study links friendships with lower mortality rates, lower incidents of coronary heart disease, and better mental health outcomes. At nearly 50, I am even more grateful as we know loneliness and social isolation increases greatly in our older years, having adverse health effects. However, like on this site, I have a “no assholes” rule in my personal life, choosing people that bring life and growth, not constant negativity and growing limitations- super important as we age.

My hope is that we build a community here that fosters positive connections that actively reduces the loneliness epidemic while bringing joy and meaning to not only our lives, but all those lives we impact today and for years to come.